Sex Toy of the Day

Ladies I thought I would write this feature for those of you who have children and interestingly I have a number of friends who are of the belief that sex mostly stops or certainly becomes surprisingly different after the birth of their children. There is no more screwing on the kitchen table, up against the washing machine, in the tub, not even in bed…nothing!

The general consensus among them was the astonishing belief that childus interruptus was one of the main causes of no longer bothering with the sexual act or only indulging on very rare occasions where a project management mentality has to be brought into play to actually get this feat off the ground. Many of them seem to believe that their children have a special sensor that allows them to some how psychically pick up just when their parents are having or have just commenced a sexual act, regardless of how quiet they are trying to be, and consequently, start coughing with the intensity that can only indicate a severe case of whooping cough or worse, causing the poor parents to jump up from their prone (or otherwise) positions and race madly to the child’s bedroom to fearfully claw away the blockage from the poor dear baby’s airway, only to find the baby smiling and gurgling lovingly at them in their panic. This is just one example I have heard many, many more horror stories.

Some of my friends are mothers of teenage children and they believe that these semi-grown children still appear to have the same instinct. I was horrified when I heard this and thought there has to be a way to get around what seems an awful reality. I have one friend who states emphatically that every time her and her partner (in this case, her husband) manage to get a moment alone, which inevitably has to be in the bedroom, her teenage son instantly materializes, stomping up the passage calling for her. This always puts the freeze on her and she cannot revert to her previous activity. Another of my friends just yells at them to go away, tells them she is busy and carries on. I suppose to a great extent it depends on your personality type.

I think the best course of action is to absolutely point-blank refuse to have any children, ever! But there are some ladies who are already in this unfortunate position and there has to be something one can do about it. Perhaps strangle or deep-fry them? (joke). The thought of having to wait until children leave the nest to revert to normal sexual practice scares the crap out of me, I am fearful that I won’t have the energy for it by then. I have to admit it certainly puts me off having them.

What about you, ladies? Do you have any stories you can share with me? I should love to hear how you manage to overcome this seemingly dreadful scenario and if you have any hints or tips for other unfortunate ladies out there who don’t seem able to function sexually in an “After Children” environment.

Till next week.

Toni