Sex Toy of the Day

Ladies, if you have been reading my sex toy of the day articles, you might have realized by now that role-play features quite vividly in my sexual repertoire. I feel that it keeps my relationship fresh and healthy without having to resort to too much adultery (joke! don’t tell Jim I said that).

Sexual role-play can be as gentle as the whispering of something risqué (like “Am I a very naughty girl?”)to your partner whilst in the throes of passion or as dramatic as dressing up in a butchers outfit and chasing your partner around the garden (dressed in nothing but a pig mask) with a pitchfork. Anything goes, as long as it is consensual and no one is actually impaled by the pitchfork.

Couples indulge in an endless variety of power-games, taking normal and not so normal day-to-day situations and playing them out sexually. As long as you have an imagination you can be anyone and anything you want to be. Whether or not you realize it, many elements of lovemaking and sex revolve around power play. When you act all kittenish and he wraps his arms around you to play the big protective hulk, you are embarking on power play.

Why do we do this? It is possible to have sex without power play, but for many of us, a little pretence can really heat sex up. Some couples, I know, because I am one of them; keep many outfits in their closets specifically for the purpose of sexual role and power play. To be straightforward, sex is the way adults play! Fantasy sexual role-play can take you deep into other characters which may release you from the boundaries you place upon yourself in daily life. Most adults don’t run around the playground any more, (although I have to admit that I still do) so sex becomes an adventure playground, in bed, we play.

When trying it for yourself, keep things light, planning is good but should also be fun. Choose a fantasy sexual role that feels comfortable, it is not easy to play a role that has no personal meaning. A good tip for identifying your fantasy sexual role is masturbation, it offers fertile ground for initiating sexual fantasy scenes, when masturbating you are less likely to repress thoughts or feelings.

You should also consider the following aspects of any sex role-play situation: Who do you want to be? What’s the scenario? How can you dress it up? What’s your motivation? What (and where) are the boundaries and the ground rules?

Sexual role-play does take some thought and planning and is rarely fully spontaneous. Sex games are very similar to the games played by children. There is often an uneven balance of power, generally accepted by both participants and capitalized upon for the purposes of fun. When children play they regularly accept that only one of them will be the leader, the other is always the sidekick. Consider the ‘You be Batman, I will be Robin’ scenario.

Remember one thing, just as power play can initiate problems for children, it can create problems for adults too. If one or other partner becomes uneasy with his/her agreed role, what can be done? Simple! Swap! If he was spanking you, tell him, enough you are the teacher now and he is a naughty boy! It is extraordinary how swapping roles can re-arouse the fantasy. But most of all JUST HAVE FUN.

Toni